I decided to get ahead of the game this week and use my brilliant time management skills from last week. Our presenter this week, "didn't say anything substantial" for the majority of the lecture. (I'm not going to reveal who that quote is from...) Amidst his long-winded train of not much, he said a few things that good leaders should remember.
The core of leadership is character and the crust is skill/confidence. A strong core with a strong crust = a solid, capable, inspirational, safely followable leader. Strong core + weak crust = a kind person without the confidence to be a great leader. Weak core + strong crust = awful person with enough charisma and suavity to do serious damage. Weak core + weak crust = a pathetic person who isn't really a threat. (We didn't actually talk about that last one, that's just what I'm guessing it would be.)
After the speaker finished, one of our teachers, Tommy Montoya, presented to us the RACE model of strategic planning:
R = research
A = action plan
C = carry it out
E = evaluate
We further discussed it on our lab yesterday and put it into application with a hypothetical situation. Something Tommy said helped me realize the importance of being methodical in decision-making and planning. If we make the right decision for the wrong reason or any reason that we can't back up with substantial logic, then it's almost as though we made the wrong decision.
Last week the campus devotional was about motive and I've been thinking about it ever since. Brother Osguthorpe posed to us these questions: What if everything we did, we did out of love? What if everything we said was motivated by love? He told us that in end why we do what we do may very well matter more than what we do.
So to apply this to my leadership role... I need to keep the focus where it should be and make decisions for the right reasons and do everything I do out of love. The focus isn't on getting the numbers. Sure, 100% visiting teaching and attendance looks wonderful, but why? Because it means that everyone is being taken care of. =) In our ward, our RS adviser is really good about keeping everything focused on the individual. She told us that the numbers and the reports don't really matter. We still do them because we are "a record keeping people" and we keep ourselves organized like that. Also because we aren't perfect and we would forget who needs our help if we don't keep track.
Earlier this week the presidency (minus me) met with the visiting teaching supervisors to talk about how the system works and to encourage them. The decision to have an additional meeting was not an arbitrary choice—we don't just up and decide to have a meeting for kicks. The problem was a breakdown in communication between the girls, supervisors, and the presidency. So we met to clarify who needed what information when. Research = problem identification. Action plan = decide, with careful reasoning, on the best way to solve the problem. Carry it out = self-explanatory. Evaluate = well, did it work? Do we see an absence of problem? I think we did it.
Strategic planning sounds all professional and intimidating, but really, it fits seamlessly into our regular lives and we do it all the time without consciously acknowledging it. I think that as long as we take time and really think about why we're doing what we're doing, we won't get too far off track or make stupid, arbitrary decisions.
Quote of the week:
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are. -Roy Disney
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The Two Gifts of Life
"Life gives you two gifts: time and agency. The way you use your time reflects your agency."
That's how our presenter began the lecture on Monday. The topic, certainly one every college student needs to be reminded of now and again, was time management. I saw a little blurb on Facebook once that said the following: "1. Good grades. 2. Social life. 3. Adequate Sleep. Welcome to college, pick two." It's kind of true, unless we find the optimal balance.
My favorite idea from this week is something our lovely TA said in the lab, "It's not about managing your time; it's about managing yourself." I really like thinking of it that way. Time is this huge cosmic deal and I really have no business trying to master it. But myself, I can usually handle.
We also talked about priorities and goals and not doing anything that doesn't help us toward our goals. For an activity this week we all filled out time sheets of everything we did in 15-minute intervals for 48 hours. In the lab on Wednesday, we went through everything we had done and marked if it was in line with our goals in life. I can find a way to relate everything I do back to my life goals. It's nice because I usually don't feel like I'm wasting time, but it's hard to prioritize because everything I do is important to me.
Another idea that resonated with me was the concept of urgent vs. important. We talked about the zones of tasks, things that are urgent but not important, important but not urgent, urgent and important, and neither urgent nor important. In my own life, I often let things get urgent and then have to make snap judgment calls on how important they are. (i.e. do I skip class to finish an assignment that's due today or do I go to class and let the assignment go?) The ideal zone for getting things done is when they are important, but not yet urgent. Like that physics paper that's due in two weeks. (Not like the music civilization paper that's due on Monday.) This is something I need to work on, for sure.
Now, applying to my leadership role. Let me first explain the big rocks analogy to any who may be unfamiliar with it: in planning your time, if you put your first, most important things (big rocks) first, next things next (smaller rocks), then all the little things (sand and water) will fill in the cracks—but if you put trifle things (sand and water) first you won't have room for the important things (big rocks). The Church, and therefore my calling in it, are some of my big rocks. For my whole life, my family has always put church first and it's amazing that we always have time to get done what we need to. Continuing that habit has blessed my life in college. "...seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33) It's true. When I put things in the right order, I end up having time for all the things I need. When I put the Lord and His work first in my life, He blesses my efforts in everything else I do so that I can do everything else. "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it." (Mark 8:35) It's one of those beautiful Christian paradoxes.
I think the most important concept in managing ourselves to use our time wisely, is defining what's important and putting that first in all we do. How we spend our time defines us so we ought to spend it doing something worthwhile.
Quote of the day:
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” -Henry Van Dyke
That's how our presenter began the lecture on Monday. The topic, certainly one every college student needs to be reminded of now and again, was time management. I saw a little blurb on Facebook once that said the following: "1. Good grades. 2. Social life. 3. Adequate Sleep. Welcome to college, pick two." It's kind of true, unless we find the optimal balance.
My favorite idea from this week is something our lovely TA said in the lab, "It's not about managing your time; it's about managing yourself." I really like thinking of it that way. Time is this huge cosmic deal and I really have no business trying to master it. But myself, I can usually handle.
We also talked about priorities and goals and not doing anything that doesn't help us toward our goals. For an activity this week we all filled out time sheets of everything we did in 15-minute intervals for 48 hours. In the lab on Wednesday, we went through everything we had done and marked if it was in line with our goals in life. I can find a way to relate everything I do back to my life goals. It's nice because I usually don't feel like I'm wasting time, but it's hard to prioritize because everything I do is important to me.
Another idea that resonated with me was the concept of urgent vs. important. We talked about the zones of tasks, things that are urgent but not important, important but not urgent, urgent and important, and neither urgent nor important. In my own life, I often let things get urgent and then have to make snap judgment calls on how important they are. (i.e. do I skip class to finish an assignment that's due today or do I go to class and let the assignment go?) The ideal zone for getting things done is when they are important, but not yet urgent. Like that physics paper that's due in two weeks. (Not like the music civilization paper that's due on Monday.) This is something I need to work on, for sure.
Now, applying to my leadership role. Let me first explain the big rocks analogy to any who may be unfamiliar with it: in planning your time, if you put your first, most important things (big rocks) first, next things next (smaller rocks), then all the little things (sand and water) will fill in the cracks—but if you put trifle things (sand and water) first you won't have room for the important things (big rocks). The Church, and therefore my calling in it, are some of my big rocks. For my whole life, my family has always put church first and it's amazing that we always have time to get done what we need to. Continuing that habit has blessed my life in college. "...seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33) It's true. When I put things in the right order, I end up having time for all the things I need. When I put the Lord and His work first in my life, He blesses my efforts in everything else I do so that I can do everything else. "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it." (Mark 8:35) It's one of those beautiful Christian paradoxes.
I think the most important concept in managing ourselves to use our time wisely, is defining what's important and putting that first in all we do. How we spend our time defines us so we ought to spend it doing something worthwhile.
Quote of the day:
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” -Henry Van Dyke
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Love vs. Fear: The essence of public speaking.
Public speaking. As one who often prefers to be behind the scenes of leadership, I don't feel like I have much to say about it. But something the presenter said really hit home with me: truly care about your audience.
She went on to apply caring about your audience to different situations. Someone in the professional world who truly cares about their audience will be perfectly honest with them and not try to con them into a less-than-ideal business move. Managers who truly care about their employees will speak to them with respect and do what's in their best interest. Teachers who truly care about their students will speak to them in a way that helps them learn.
It's a simple thing, but really caring about your audience is a big deal. In my current leadership role, I don't have to do much public speaking. But when I do, it's easy to care about the audience when you think of them as your family. At church everyone is my family, so speaking in church is the perfect venue to practice and get good at public speaking.
Public speaking is a major fear for people. Love conquers fear. Loving your audience is the perfect solution to being afraid of public speaking.
Just because I felt like I wasn't giving you enough, I googled "fear vs. love quotes" and found this cool article. Here's part of it:
She went on to apply caring about your audience to different situations. Someone in the professional world who truly cares about their audience will be perfectly honest with them and not try to con them into a less-than-ideal business move. Managers who truly care about their employees will speak to them with respect and do what's in their best interest. Teachers who truly care about their students will speak to them in a way that helps them learn.
It's a simple thing, but really caring about your audience is a big deal. In my current leadership role, I don't have to do much public speaking. But when I do, it's easy to care about the audience when you think of them as your family. At church everyone is my family, so speaking in church is the perfect venue to practice and get good at public speaking.
Public speaking is a major fear for people. Love conquers fear. Loving your audience is the perfect solution to being afraid of public speaking.
Just because I felt like I wasn't giving you enough, I googled "fear vs. love quotes" and found this cool article. Here's part of it:
There are really only two emotions in the Physical Universe - those being LOVE and FEAR. All other emotions are just variations on these two primary states of emotion. LOVE is the emotion associated with a 'knowing' that everything in the Universe is an expression of a singularity (i.e. God) and is therefore interconnected, whereas FEAR is the emotion underlying the perception (i.e. illusion) of being separate from God. The following article compares these two states of consciousness.
LOVE is an expression of the Oneness that underlies all reality associated with a deep felt knowing that everything is an expression of Source and that nothing (no-thing) can exist outside Source. By contrast, FEAR is rooted in the illusory perception of separation that pervades the Physical Universe.
LOVE expresses itself as an urge towards unity, whereas FEAR is a result of the perception of dis-unity that is part and parcel to God's game of separation that defines the Physical Universe. (i.e. The 'them' versus 'me' syndrome associated with the isolation currently experienced by most humans)
-Alex Paterson
I think the fear of public speaking results from this "them versus me" syndrome. When we allow love to conquer this warped perception and view ourselves on the same team as everyone we're talking to, then the fear dissipates. The end.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Teamwork =)
This week we focused on TEAMWORK and how together we can do more than we can alone, and how we need certain elements to create a functional team. I absolutely LOVE the concept of synergy. I love it so much I'm copying the definition right here and now: synergy is the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects. When we work together optimally as a team, the outcome and each member's personal growth is much greater than it would have been had we all worked it out on our own.
Immediately relevant personal example—this past weekend my friends and I set up camp in front of the apartment complex we want to live in next year. (Right upfront let me spoil the end and tell you that freak yes we got an apartment there after camping for 3 nights.) It was a pretty serious undertaking. We had 13 girls on board with the plan and everyone's strengths played into making it a success. We had our organizational guru set up a schedule and keep track of everyone's progress with getting paperwork ready; we had our hardcore tent sleepers hold the fort through the snow; we had our cheerleaders who didn't want to sleep in the cold bring hot cocoa to the tent-dwellers. We all chipped in what we could and got the job done better and had waaaaay more fun than we would have had each of tried to do it alone. There's no way I would have even tried to do that alone.
Every group that works together is a team. Group interaction and teamwork are at the core of being human and therefore incredibly important. Applying teamwork to my leadership role is the easiest application yet—the RS presidency is, quite simply, a team within a larger team. Our objective is to reach all our girls and help them feel our Savior's love and draw closer to Him. Our means are each other; we need each member of the team to pull together and be willing to give their all if we really want to build Zion. In my mind, the very definition of Zion is something closely akin to "ultra awesome, highly functional, completely invested and self-sacrificial team." Who wouldn't want to be on that team? Joining a team is, in a way, giving up custody of yourself and trusting other people to look out for you while you promise to look out for them. It's a win-win.
The RS presidency is a team within the larger Relief Society team. Our job is to help direct and organize and see that everyone is looked after. And when our little team of 3-4 (I'm still not sure if I really count as part of the "presidency" specifically, but for the sake of this application, let's say I am.) does what we do, then we enable the rest of the team to step in and take care of each other. Within the presidency we each have different personalities and different strengths. We have different ways of reaching out to people and sharing the Savior's love with our girls. The Lord needs all of our different angles combined to reach all His precious daughters. Maybe my way of reaching out doesn't really jive with some of the girls, but they will respond really well to Natalie, Karee, or SaraH. (Yup, the H is capitalized on purpose. It's how she writes it.) And maybe, just one of us isn't enough to convince some of our girls how treasured they are. We need the synergistic "full-court press" so to speak to help them feel that they are valued and needed. Individual efforts are nice and necessary, but not enough. The Lord Himself endorses teamwork when He gives the law of witnesses in D&C 6:28, " in the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established." Teams of witnesses are mandatory for moving the Lord's work forward. Everything we do in the Church is done in teams. I would venture to say that everything truly meaningful we do in life we do on a team. Even and especially when the team consists of just you and the Lord. That's the most important team to be on.
We NEED each other. We really can't do it alone. Like, we really can't. I've tried; it doesn't work.
I've learned in a very poignant way since coming out here to college and living "on my own" that we all seriously need each other. I put "on my own" in quotes because people say that, but it's not really true. We aren't living with our families anymore, but I've never been left entirely on my own. I have incredible friends on my team who take care of me just like my family would if they were here. Life is a team effort. In my psychology class senior year we talked about individualist and collectivist societies. If it isn't super obvious, I'm a hardcore collectivist. I think the Church is a big part of my thinking there. And my family. It doesn't matter how high you can get on your own because it won't be worth being all the way up there if you're up there alone.
Our presenter on Monday talked about the 0-100 principle of relationships. The relationship always needs to add up to 100. Sometimes it's 50-50, sometimes it's 90-10. It was a nice analogy, I suppose, and I can see a lot of good ideas there. Sometimes we end up on the taking side of the relationship, other times we end up giving more than we get, and hopefully it balances in the end. But what my dad always told me about making a relationship work, about being a stable asset to a team, was that both or all parties need to bring 100 all the time. Fifty-fifty won't cut it sometimes because you have to be invested with everything you have to make it work. That's my rant on extremist collectivism. I have a serious conviction about that, just fyi.
Back to my leadership role: I'm part of a team! A team I love, doing the work I thrive on. I bring certain assets and ideas to the table, my teammates bring others and together, especially with the Lord's aid, we have a synergistic outcome. My goal is to bring 100 all the time because that's what it takes. I'll do my part of the work to the best of my ability to enable the rest of the team to do their thing. And together, we accomplish what we could not have done alone.
And the quote of the day is actually more than a quote:
Immediately relevant personal example—this past weekend my friends and I set up camp in front of the apartment complex we want to live in next year. (Right upfront let me spoil the end and tell you that freak yes we got an apartment there after camping for 3 nights.) It was a pretty serious undertaking. We had 13 girls on board with the plan and everyone's strengths played into making it a success. We had our organizational guru set up a schedule and keep track of everyone's progress with getting paperwork ready; we had our hardcore tent sleepers hold the fort through the snow; we had our cheerleaders who didn't want to sleep in the cold bring hot cocoa to the tent-dwellers. We all chipped in what we could and got the job done better and had waaaaay more fun than we would have had each of tried to do it alone. There's no way I would have even tried to do that alone.
Every group that works together is a team. Group interaction and teamwork are at the core of being human and therefore incredibly important. Applying teamwork to my leadership role is the easiest application yet—the RS presidency is, quite simply, a team within a larger team. Our objective is to reach all our girls and help them feel our Savior's love and draw closer to Him. Our means are each other; we need each member of the team to pull together and be willing to give their all if we really want to build Zion. In my mind, the very definition of Zion is something closely akin to "ultra awesome, highly functional, completely invested and self-sacrificial team." Who wouldn't want to be on that team? Joining a team is, in a way, giving up custody of yourself and trusting other people to look out for you while you promise to look out for them. It's a win-win.
The RS presidency is a team within the larger Relief Society team. Our job is to help direct and organize and see that everyone is looked after. And when our little team of 3-4 (I'm still not sure if I really count as part of the "presidency" specifically, but for the sake of this application, let's say I am.) does what we do, then we enable the rest of the team to step in and take care of each other. Within the presidency we each have different personalities and different strengths. We have different ways of reaching out to people and sharing the Savior's love with our girls. The Lord needs all of our different angles combined to reach all His precious daughters. Maybe my way of reaching out doesn't really jive with some of the girls, but they will respond really well to Natalie, Karee, or SaraH. (Yup, the H is capitalized on purpose. It's how she writes it.) And maybe, just one of us isn't enough to convince some of our girls how treasured they are. We need the synergistic "full-court press" so to speak to help them feel that they are valued and needed. Individual efforts are nice and necessary, but not enough. The Lord Himself endorses teamwork when He gives the law of witnesses in D&C 6:28, " in the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established." Teams of witnesses are mandatory for moving the Lord's work forward. Everything we do in the Church is done in teams. I would venture to say that everything truly meaningful we do in life we do on a team. Even and especially when the team consists of just you and the Lord. That's the most important team to be on.
We NEED each other. We really can't do it alone. Like, we really can't. I've tried; it doesn't work.
I've learned in a very poignant way since coming out here to college and living "on my own" that we all seriously need each other. I put "on my own" in quotes because people say that, but it's not really true. We aren't living with our families anymore, but I've never been left entirely on my own. I have incredible friends on my team who take care of me just like my family would if they were here. Life is a team effort. In my psychology class senior year we talked about individualist and collectivist societies. If it isn't super obvious, I'm a hardcore collectivist. I think the Church is a big part of my thinking there. And my family. It doesn't matter how high you can get on your own because it won't be worth being all the way up there if you're up there alone.
Our presenter on Monday talked about the 0-100 principle of relationships. The relationship always needs to add up to 100. Sometimes it's 50-50, sometimes it's 90-10. It was a nice analogy, I suppose, and I can see a lot of good ideas there. Sometimes we end up on the taking side of the relationship, other times we end up giving more than we get, and hopefully it balances in the end. But what my dad always told me about making a relationship work, about being a stable asset to a team, was that both or all parties need to bring 100 all the time. Fifty-fifty won't cut it sometimes because you have to be invested with everything you have to make it work. That's my rant on extremist collectivism. I have a serious conviction about that, just fyi.
Back to my leadership role: I'm part of a team! A team I love, doing the work I thrive on. I bring certain assets and ideas to the table, my teammates bring others and together, especially with the Lord's aid, we have a synergistic outcome. My goal is to bring 100 all the time because that's what it takes. I'll do my part of the work to the best of my ability to enable the rest of the team to do their thing. And together, we accomplish what we could not have done alone.
And the quote of the day is actually more than a quote:
No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
John Donne
I thought it rather apt. =) Go, team, GO!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Re-Solving
Conflict resolution: not easy or fun, but one of those essential life skills we all wish we were just born with. This week we focused on causes of and solutions for conflict. I learned a lot. The speaker on Monday said that "personality conflict" wasn't a real thing. My gut reaction was, "Um, you're crazy, heck yes it is." But then he explained it and I began to see his point. He outlined 5 types of conflict:
-Process: people raised doing the same things different ways, both thinking the other is crazy and doing it wrong. It's not personal, it's just a process. Definitely something to keep in mind.
-Role: I can't explain this one as well, but I think it has to with when people either fulfill or don't fulfill the roles the have. Example: if one of my friends starting acting more like my mom than my friend, that could create some conflict.
-Interpersonal: self-explanatory (or too complicated to summarize...)
-Directional: "Well, I think we should go that way." "Nope, you're wrong, there's nothing worth seeing that way. Let's go this way." "Grrrr." etc.
-External: weather, traffic, sickness, etc.
I also learned that I'm quite reluctant to admit when conflict is external because I like to be in control of my situation. I realize that sometimes it is just out of my hands, but I like to believe that if I prepare enough, I can be ready to avert any disaster.
A few of things the presenter said didn't sit well with me though:
"If two people are complete agreement, then only one of them is thinking." False. Moses 7:18 When we draw closer to the Lord and see it the way He does, we naturally come into harmony with each other. Agreement isn't a softy, passive, wishy-washy cop out. Harmony is beautiful.
"If you enter any conversation with the idea that you're right, then you have already started wrong." I don't know that that's always true. Then all our missionaries are starting on the wrong foot fairly consistently. ; ) It's not a crime to acknowledge that sometimes you are just plain right. There's never a good reason to be a snob about it, but if you know you're right, I don't see a good reason to back down. I'd reword that sentence a bit, "If you enter any conversation with a presumptuous attitude about needing to be right, then you should stop talking and go chill."
Okay, I'm done being a critic. Now I'll be a student again.
The speaker used a great metaphor about using our emotions effectively. "Emotions are like water—highly useful when channeled positively, but incredibly destructive if left to run their course unchecked." I hadn't honestly given much thought to questioning the validity of my emotions before. I just feel what I please. I don't always act on my feelings, but I let them be. Taking a step back and objectively looking at the situation to decide if I even have a right or reason to feel the way I do could help me get unnecessary emotions off my chest. That sounds so overly analytical and not poetic in the least, but it makes sense.
In addition to learning from our speaker, we analyzed our personal approaches to solving conflict via a personality/conflict approach test. There were 5 ways of approaching conflict as outlined by this test. My results were: accommodating (10), competing (6), collaborating (5), avoiding (5), and compromising (4). I wasn't surprised. I guess a lot of people who know me might be taken aback by the competition aspect, but my dad reminded me yesterday that I'm the second most competitive person he knows. Second only to my mom. ; ) I can readily see my accommodating side. I'm pretty good at rolling with it and not letting whatever it is bother me too much. And when things cross the line, I usually don't have a problem saying so—in a nice way, usually.
Finally, I know—sorry about the novel!—but the point that I liked best of this whole topic is the idea of re-solving. For a perfectionist like me, having things get constantly undone and need re-doing gets a little frustrating. It's really good and refreshing for me to remember that life and everything in it is a process, not a checklist. The work is never done. The problems constantly need re-solving. That doesn't mean we failed at solving it the first time. Needing to wash our clothes every week doesn't mean we did a sloppy wash job last week, it simply needs doing again. Conflicts need consistent, if not constant, maintenance and monitoring.
The primary conflict in my leadership role is getting people to actually report their visiting teaching to their supervisors on time. It hasn't happened yet. But, I need to keep the perspective that it's an issue that needs constant, patient attention. And it's certainly not a personality conflict—I am not in the least bit upset with any of our girls—I love them to pieces! It's just a process thing that isn't quite ironed out. We'll get there. My goal is to have things running smoothly before I turn that report over to the assistant secretary. It would be nice to take care of it first so we don't dump an open can of worms on this poor girl's lap...
As always, thanks for hanging in there! Maybe someday I'll learn to economize language, but not today!
-Process: people raised doing the same things different ways, both thinking the other is crazy and doing it wrong. It's not personal, it's just a process. Definitely something to keep in mind.
-Role: I can't explain this one as well, but I think it has to with when people either fulfill or don't fulfill the roles the have. Example: if one of my friends starting acting more like my mom than my friend, that could create some conflict.
-Interpersonal: self-explanatory (or too complicated to summarize...)
-Directional: "Well, I think we should go that way." "Nope, you're wrong, there's nothing worth seeing that way. Let's go this way." "Grrrr." etc.
-External: weather, traffic, sickness, etc.
I also learned that I'm quite reluctant to admit when conflict is external because I like to be in control of my situation. I realize that sometimes it is just out of my hands, but I like to believe that if I prepare enough, I can be ready to avert any disaster.
A few of things the presenter said didn't sit well with me though:
"If two people are complete agreement, then only one of them is thinking." False. Moses 7:18 When we draw closer to the Lord and see it the way He does, we naturally come into harmony with each other. Agreement isn't a softy, passive, wishy-washy cop out. Harmony is beautiful.
"If you enter any conversation with the idea that you're right, then you have already started wrong." I don't know that that's always true. Then all our missionaries are starting on the wrong foot fairly consistently. ; ) It's not a crime to acknowledge that sometimes you are just plain right. There's never a good reason to be a snob about it, but if you know you're right, I don't see a good reason to back down. I'd reword that sentence a bit, "If you enter any conversation with a presumptuous attitude about needing to be right, then you should stop talking and go chill."
Okay, I'm done being a critic. Now I'll be a student again.
The speaker used a great metaphor about using our emotions effectively. "Emotions are like water—highly useful when channeled positively, but incredibly destructive if left to run their course unchecked." I hadn't honestly given much thought to questioning the validity of my emotions before. I just feel what I please. I don't always act on my feelings, but I let them be. Taking a step back and objectively looking at the situation to decide if I even have a right or reason to feel the way I do could help me get unnecessary emotions off my chest. That sounds so overly analytical and not poetic in the least, but it makes sense.
In addition to learning from our speaker, we analyzed our personal approaches to solving conflict via a personality/conflict approach test. There were 5 ways of approaching conflict as outlined by this test. My results were: accommodating (10), competing (6), collaborating (5), avoiding (5), and compromising (4). I wasn't surprised. I guess a lot of people who know me might be taken aback by the competition aspect, but my dad reminded me yesterday that I'm the second most competitive person he knows. Second only to my mom. ; ) I can readily see my accommodating side. I'm pretty good at rolling with it and not letting whatever it is bother me too much. And when things cross the line, I usually don't have a problem saying so—in a nice way, usually.
Finally, I know—sorry about the novel!—but the point that I liked best of this whole topic is the idea of re-solving. For a perfectionist like me, having things get constantly undone and need re-doing gets a little frustrating. It's really good and refreshing for me to remember that life and everything in it is a process, not a checklist. The work is never done. The problems constantly need re-solving. That doesn't mean we failed at solving it the first time. Needing to wash our clothes every week doesn't mean we did a sloppy wash job last week, it simply needs doing again. Conflicts need consistent, if not constant, maintenance and monitoring.
The primary conflict in my leadership role is getting people to actually report their visiting teaching to their supervisors on time. It hasn't happened yet. But, I need to keep the perspective that it's an issue that needs constant, patient attention. And it's certainly not a personality conflict—I am not in the least bit upset with any of our girls—I love them to pieces! It's just a process thing that isn't quite ironed out. We'll get there. My goal is to have things running smoothly before I turn that report over to the assistant secretary. It would be nice to take care of it first so we don't dump an open can of worms on this poor girl's lap...
As always, thanks for hanging in there! Maybe someday I'll learn to economize language, but not today!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Lead Strong
Monday's lecture was all about strengths-based leadership. This is the first new concept that this class has brought to my life and I'm intrigued. The premise is that to lead to the best of our abilities, we must focus on our best abilities and mostly ignore our weaknesses. At first I thought that sounded ridiculous. My weaknesses aren't going to just go away if I ignore them. But the more we talked about it, the more it made sense. I will work better when I'm thinking along the lines of "I rock at this so watch me be awesome" than when I'm thinking "Wow, I'm terrible. Why am I even trying?" Focusing on the positive aspects of my character gives me a confidence boost. Acting with confidence helps overcome weakness and inhibition.
And really, we aren't ignoring our weaknesses; we're recognizing that as we improve our strengths we bring everything else to a higher level as well. If all the attributes that comprise who we are make up a metaphorical web, then each point or attribute helps determine which plane our web is in. If we raise all the high points even higher, the rest of the points have to follow suit and thus our entire self is elevated to a new plane of being. I like that. And I can do that.
As part of our homework for Wednesday's lab we had to complete a personality test. I forget the name of the test (Meyers Briggs, maybe?) but mine was fairly accurate. My personality profile is that of an idealist and a teacher. Perfect for what I'm going to be when I grow up. =) I'm good at connecting with people and making them feel comfortable. More often than not, it's easy for me to see the best in people. I'm inclined to build people up and help them realize their potential. I have a knack for linguistic expression. I'm adept at making decisions. I draw energy from interacting with people, the more the better. So I rock at some things. And others not so much. I try to do more than I can and give more than I have and that results in my feeling like a martyr when it doesn't have to be that way. I sometimes take things too personally and I care more about what other people think than I should. There, I acknowledged the weaknesses and now I'm going to focus on the strengths. I already feel better.
It sounds cliche, but I really am a people person. I think one of the most significant of my God-given strengths is being able to connect with people. And my leadership role requires that I help look after and connect with the one. I know most of the girls in my RS and I'd recognize all of them by now, but I don't have a connection with all of them yet. My goal for this week is to make time to talk with at least 4 of my girls who I don't know well yet and start a friendship with each of them.
And really, we aren't ignoring our weaknesses; we're recognizing that as we improve our strengths we bring everything else to a higher level as well. If all the attributes that comprise who we are make up a metaphorical web, then each point or attribute helps determine which plane our web is in. If we raise all the high points even higher, the rest of the points have to follow suit and thus our entire self is elevated to a new plane of being. I like that. And I can do that.
As part of our homework for Wednesday's lab we had to complete a personality test. I forget the name of the test (Meyers Briggs, maybe?) but mine was fairly accurate. My personality profile is that of an idealist and a teacher. Perfect for what I'm going to be when I grow up. =) I'm good at connecting with people and making them feel comfortable. More often than not, it's easy for me to see the best in people. I'm inclined to build people up and help them realize their potential. I have a knack for linguistic expression. I'm adept at making decisions. I draw energy from interacting with people, the more the better. So I rock at some things. And others not so much. I try to do more than I can and give more than I have and that results in my feeling like a martyr when it doesn't have to be that way. I sometimes take things too personally and I care more about what other people think than I should. There, I acknowledged the weaknesses and now I'm going to focus on the strengths. I already feel better.
It sounds cliche, but I really am a people person. I think one of the most significant of my God-given strengths is being able to connect with people. And my leadership role requires that I help look after and connect with the one. I know most of the girls in my RS and I'd recognize all of them by now, but I don't have a connection with all of them yet. My goal for this week is to make time to talk with at least 4 of my girls who I don't know well yet and start a friendship with each of them.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Matthew 20:27
The lecture on Monday focused on servant leadership. Honestly, I don't think I'd ever considered that there were other approaches to leadership besides serving those you lead. Maybe I had, but the whole servant leadership concept is so soundly right that I've since forgotten all other less adequate methods of leading. And I recognize that there are plenty of examples of leaders who led selfishly without regard for their people, but I tend to discredit those because I'd like to think I wouldn't have followed them. In my book, servant leadership is the only authentic leadership there is.
Leadership is about influencing those around you in the direction of a common vision. Serving and loving others and "getting on their good side" seems like the best, most practical, effective, and engaging way to influence them. I think about the people for whom I would do anything and realize that I would do anything for them because I know they would do anything for me. Service is love in action. It's proof that you'll be there when they need you and it's a major building block of trust. If you want people to follow you, then you have to prove yourself worthy of following.
King Benjamin comes readily to mind when we talk about servant leaders. He worked for his own support and led his people by loving example. Everything he did was in their best interest so they trusted him. When the people have confidence in their leaders, tranquility abounds because the people feel safe and secure. When the people trust their leader and their leader is worthy of that trust, then peace reigns because the people feel safe and their leader will lead them right. The peace and happiness that those people enjoyed would not have been possible under a corrupt, selfish leader. I'm not even sure that I can explain that because it's so intuitively clear. "With great power comes great responsibility." I've always heard that quote attributed to Spiderman's uncle, but the concept is as old as reason. One who has power cannot be self-absorbed and irresponsible and non-responsive to the needs of others and still expect to be lastingly effective.
So how will I apply servant leadership to my leadership role? I couldn't fail to apply it since service and leadership are essentially interchangeable, especially in the church. Everything we do in positions of church leadership is focused on serving and lifting and guiding our brothers and sisters. Everything I do as part of my calling is to help identify the needs of my sisters and to take care of them. From the very name of our organization (the Relief Society) it's clear that we exist to serve each other, to relieve burdens. As the secretary, I help the presidency keep track of who needs relief, who need serving, and who needs to serve. Service is a double-sided blessing; giving it is as relieving as receiving it.
Quote of the week, and perhaps of my life: "What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?" -George Eliot
Leadership is about influencing those around you in the direction of a common vision. Serving and loving others and "getting on their good side" seems like the best, most practical, effective, and engaging way to influence them. I think about the people for whom I would do anything and realize that I would do anything for them because I know they would do anything for me. Service is love in action. It's proof that you'll be there when they need you and it's a major building block of trust. If you want people to follow you, then you have to prove yourself worthy of following.
King Benjamin comes readily to mind when we talk about servant leaders. He worked for his own support and led his people by loving example. Everything he did was in their best interest so they trusted him. When the people have confidence in their leaders, tranquility abounds because the people feel safe and secure. When the people trust their leader and their leader is worthy of that trust, then peace reigns because the people feel safe and their leader will lead them right. The peace and happiness that those people enjoyed would not have been possible under a corrupt, selfish leader. I'm not even sure that I can explain that because it's so intuitively clear. "With great power comes great responsibility." I've always heard that quote attributed to Spiderman's uncle, but the concept is as old as reason. One who has power cannot be self-absorbed and irresponsible and non-responsive to the needs of others and still expect to be lastingly effective.
So how will I apply servant leadership to my leadership role? I couldn't fail to apply it since service and leadership are essentially interchangeable, especially in the church. Everything we do in positions of church leadership is focused on serving and lifting and guiding our brothers and sisters. Everything I do as part of my calling is to help identify the needs of my sisters and to take care of them. From the very name of our organization (the Relief Society) it's clear that we exist to serve each other, to relieve burdens. As the secretary, I help the presidency keep track of who needs relief, who need serving, and who needs to serve. Service is a double-sided blessing; giving it is as relieving as receiving it.
Quote of the week, and perhaps of my life: "What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?" -George Eliot
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