Drowning in Opportunities

That phrase popped into my head in my least favorite class this morning.  And I liked it.  The phrase, still working on my attitude for that class.

In my AP Psychology class a few years ago, we talked about the paradox of choice.  The more options one has to choose from, the less satisfied one is with the final choice.  It seems odd to be less satisfied with more options, hence the paradox.  The rationale is that with each choice there is an un-choice.  I chose crepes for breakfast this morning (good choice!) so I did not choose oatmeal or cereal or pancakes.  The more options you have, the more possibilities wind up un-chosen.  And since we naturally compare our present state to our "could have been" state, if there are more paths we did not take, we will be more vexed pondering all the routes un-traveled.  

I wish I could learn everything and go to every concert and every lecture and every ward activity and put 100% into absolutely everything.  But people who tell you to give 100% to everything aren't very good at math.  (This coming from me, enough said.) We only have 100%. (duh) 100% and choices of where and how to invest it.  So I can't go do everything or learn everything or be everything.  Bummer.

But I can be me.  And I can do a lot of cool things that are important to me.  And I can learn as much as I can.  And, that will just have to be enough for now.  My dad always tells my mom, "You can have it all, you just can't have it all at once."  My mom and I are very similar. (Lucky me!) 

So for now, I guess I'm going to have to figure out how to swim.

=)

I wasn't in the mood to come up with a clever title.  I was just in the mood to write a little something.

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about how wonderful everything is.  Life is truly a beautiful thing.  I have a super fantastic lovable family that adores me.  I have the kindest friends a girl could ask for.  I have this really sweet boy I kind of like a lot.  =)  I go to the school of my dreams.  I get to study what truly interests me.  I get to pursue my passions of music and teaching little kids.  I get to sing with the BYU Choirs.  I know who I am.  I am blessed to have the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ in my life.

It sounds all self-satisfied and smug and like, "Oh, look at me, isn't my life wonderful?"  And ok, fine, it sort of is, but not in a "rub it in your face" sort of way.  In a "I'm super duper happy about everything and I just want to spread the joy" sort of way.  Life is so !!!!  I can't even come up with a word that has enough significance and pizzazz and umph and something that means what I'm trying to say.  One of my favorite thoughts comes from a Calvin and Hobbes comic, but with a twist—Calvin says how life is always unfair but that he wishes it would be unfair in his favor.  I'm convinced that life is always unfair in my favor.  I lucked out with EVERYTHING in a big big BIG way.  I look around at my life (especially the people and opportunities that surround me) and I think, "How could I ever have done anything to deserve to be where I am with who I'm with?"  And then I remember that I'm just super duper lucky and blessed and loved and I accept that life is ridiculously unfair in my favor and I smile.


I feel obligated to mention that I have hang-ups and bang-ups and get left in a lurch and in a slump, etc.  It happens and it always hits me really hard out of nowhere and I'm left looking around wondering where it come from.  But I've found that after each one of those bang-ups, my happiness has wiggled down a little deeper into who I am.  Does that make sense?  (Sorry if it doesn't.  You might have to deal with it anyway... Thanks!)  Here's the thing, though—every time I get in a slump people pull me out of it.  Remember that amazing family and wonderful friends and cute boy I mentioned?  They help a lot.  And my Savior whose truth lights my life—He helps the most.

Really, I owe everything about how wonderful my life is to Him.  He is the reason everything is ok.  Or why everything will be ok.  I have a testimony that He can fix any problem and augment any joy.  Everything that makes me happy is possible because of Him.  And everything that makes me unhappy is surmountable because of Him.  He is why life is wonderful. He is why I can be with people I love forever.  He is why we get to see gorgeous sunrises and sunsets every single day!  He is why everything keeps going and growing even after this earthly segment of life ends.  He is why I get to live on cloud nine. =)

Home...*contented sigh*

Haha! Mostly I wanted to see if I could figure out how to get a picture on here.  And I did. Behold three of the most lovable people in my world!

There's my mommy, who is the most amazing woman I know, straight up my favorite person in this world, my best friend, and all other wonderful things moms are. Everyday when I come home between my jobs for lunch she makes me lunch—it's so good to remember what it's like having your mom take care of you. (I LOVE college, but the Mom factor trumps pretty much everything.)

Abby is cheesing it up in the middle there on her big stuffed tiger.  She makes whispered roaring noises when she sees animals, or pictures of animals—doesn't matter if the animal roars or not.  Duckies are the only exception at this point because of her bathtub duckies.  And her word for ducky is "Daddy!" She calls everything Daddy except Mom, me, and bananas.  Bananas and I are both "Nana!"

And that handsome guy on the right is Davis, my huggable 13-year old brother.  How many 13-year old boys are huggable, really?  But Davis is a sweetheart.  He has certainly grown up a lot while I've been away.  He was not a huggable 12-year old, that's for sure.  And he's funny now, too!  I think he was a little funny before, but this kid keeps us all giggling.

There you have it, folks, 1/3 of my familia.  I don't have good pictures of Dad, Katie, Clayton, John, James, or Christian up on my computer yet, but when I do the introductions can continue.  For now, just believe me that they're all adorable and I absolutely adore them all.  And while I'm super excited to head back to the Y in 2 weeks for summer term, I really really really don't want to leave home again just yet.  You definitely learn to appreciate what you had when you suddenly don't have it at close proximity anymore.  At least I do.  But we've got two weeks and the sibs will be out of school on Thursday!!!!! Party! =)

Quote for today—(courtesy of some skater kid in Katie's yearbook)—"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space."  Do I believe that? Nope, you know me.  But it gave Mom and me a good laugh.  Maybe you had to have seen the picture—the kid was sitting on a skate jump, helmet in hand—he totally believed it.

Life at Large

So I think the last one was actually my last one.  But I might keep this blog thing happening now and again, it's kind of fun. =)  A few things then, along that vein.

1) The last lecture and lab of our leadership class was about going forth to serve—that's half of BYU's motto: " Enter to Learn. Go Forth to Serve."  So I will.  Both as I'm going home for the spring and when I eventually graduate (in like 20 years...)

2) I don't know if I ever explained the name of this blog, maybe I did, but maybe not.  I was looking up cool words that start with H and halation came up.  It means to be blurrily surrounded by halo-esque light.  (That's my paraphrasing of the definition, anyway.)  I liked it and it rhymed with jubilation and I could make a little play on words about inhaling.  So basically, it point of the goofy title was to evoke an image of the glowing happiness that fills each day because we wake up able to breathe and live and be.  Think about it.  Life is rock awesome.  Except sometimes it isn't, but even then little things pop up to make it better.  That's my story for today.  Make today a good one, folks! =)

Leading Change

People have told me more times than I can fathom that the only constant in life is change.  For better or worse, it's true.  I realized when I first came to college that I will be moving on average twice a year for the next 5 years.  New friends, new neighbors, new classes, new callings, everything changing all the time.  I was talking to my grandma on the phone during the first week of school and she asked me what was new.  I answered, "Everything."

As a leader, you can't avoid change.  It happens and you have to be ready and able to lead your followers to and through it.  Change can be difficult, frustrating, and a major hurdle for people.  From our class discussions as of late, to me the most important aspect of leading change is sharing the vision with others and getting them involved and invested in the process. 

In our RS, we struggled with getting everyone on board about the new system of reporting visiting teaching.  Somewhere along the chain of communication the novelty of the changing system got lost and I don't think the rest of our girls knew that we needed weekly reports instead of just monthly reports.  To remedy our situation and get our supervisors up to speed on the new plan, we invited them to attend a special presidency meeting where we talked about the new plan and why things need to be done this new way.  After the supervisors understood why the change was necessary and how their role was crucial to bringing it about, they were great.  My supervisor (yes, the members of the presidency have supervisors, it's a very communal, everybody check on everybody type of system) texted me less than half an hour ago to check in with me so she could provide the information for the weekly report.

The other most important part of leading change in my observation and opinion is leading it by example.  People won't rush to do things in some new and crazy way unless someone they trust is endorsing the new behavior with their actions.  Another recent example to illustrate this: it's getting close to the end of the year, finals are creeping up on us and nobody at my apartment has time to clean anything.  Filth stresses me out and I cannot work well or focus half decently in a messy place.  Change was imperative for my sanity and my GPA.  I put in a few hours of cleaning one morning to replace the cleanliness bar in our dwelling.  I then encouraged my roommates to join me in simple upkeep with the little, daily chores so we don't get overwhelmed with filth at inconvenient times.  I figured if I start the trend, hopefully others will follow.  And it's not fair to ask people to do something you aren't willing to do.

Lead by example, involve others in the process of instigating change, and hopefully enjoy great success.  As this is my penultimate blog post for this class, let me close with an especially wonderful quote from our beloved prophet.  (I love how in Conference everyone always refers to him that way—it makes me smile every time they say it because it makes of think of the millions of other people around the world who love the prophet, too.)

"Fear not; be of good cheer—the future is as bright as your faith."  -Thomas S. Monson

The Ultimate in Ethics

Monday's presenter really impressed me.  John Curtis, the mayor of Provo, came and spoke to us about ethical leadership and he definitely knew what he was talking about.  He told us that ethical leadership os doing the right thing even when it's hard.  I took a whole page of notes on his 45-minute talk.  That's kind of a big deal for me.  A few of things he said that I really like were: "Doing the right thing gets harder the longer you wait." and "The moment to correct an error is the moment it happens."  So true. 

On Wednesday in our lab we talked about how ethical leadership means making tough decisions between conflicting values.  It's easy when the values at odds aren't of truly comparable value, but as they get closer to each other, the choice gets harder.  For example an honesty vs. convenience choice is easier than an honesty vs. human life choice. 

In an effort to have a shorter than usual blog and avoid rambling, I'll cut to the chase.  We talked about the differences between religious and secular ethics.  (Side note: this is one of my favorite things about going to a private, church school—my education is very holistic.)  We talked about how in our faith the highest ethical code is following the Spirit's direction.  For a simple person like me, learning to follow the guidance of a divine being seems much easier and more comfortable than wrestling with moral dilemmas on my own.  True, I'll still need to make judgment calls between conflicting values and have a concrete reason for what I chose, but overall, listening to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost seems like a good way to go.  Especially in my leadership role, which is entirely based in the religious world, not the secular one.  Recently, one of our girls requested not to be visit taught, specifically one of my girls.  I was rather crushed and confused, not gonna lie.  But with the Spirit's direction I found a way to negotiate the conflicting values of our need to take care of her and her desire to not be visited. 

Quote of the week: "Awareness is the threshold of learning." -Dr. Paul Broomhead, my choir director.

Have a great week everyone!

Different Times Call for Different Measures: Situational Leadership

Initially, I thought this model was kind of dumb and I think the presented explained it backwards, or I was just super tired (probably that one) but the more I think about it, the more I like it.  I've started looking at it as a progressive curve that outlines the path of the maturing follower.  Sure, there will be some fluidity because followers won't steadily progress all the time, they will slip up on occasion.  And the leader won't always be infallible either, though in the examples I consider the leaders are solid (my parents, almost never wrong, and God, never ever wrong.)  Maybe this is a stretch, but I think I remember something about my TA saying I'm allowed to just run with it. ; )

Ok, this is the model.  I think it will make better sense if I let it speak for itself at first because when our presenter tried to explain it, he lost me pretty quick.

So there it is, folks.  As we develop our leadership and as our followers increase in their capacity to follow, we move from a directing style through coaching and supporting to delegating which is a much more follower-dependent style. 

One way I've thought about this model is how it relates to parenting and a child growing up.  When I was younger, my parents had to direct me in everything I did.  I did not have the maturity or life-experience/know-how to direct myself.  As I got older, I became gradually more capable and could have a voice in the decision-making process; I grew into a candidate for coaching rather then merely directing.  Fast forward a few years to when I have a pretty good handle on life, I can mostly make my own decisions so I counsel with my parents before I decide what I'm going to do and how.  They give me counsel and then support my decision, provided it was a wise one.  (They never support my foolish choices. Thank heaven for that.)  At this point in my life, I've learned so much from making decisions with my parents, that I have the confidence and competence to, for the most part, choose the path they  they would counsel me to take even if I don't actually get to counsel with them beforehand.  As I've grown up, I've become a more independent, yet in-tune follower.  As we reach the end of the curve, the followers have such a good handle on what the leader wants to see happen and they have adopted that vision as their own so they can be trusted to be almost entirely self-directed.  My dad talks about his kids as either in the "asset" column or the "liability" column.  As we grow up and become more independent and wise, we get to progress from the liability column to the asset column.

Now, the logical follow up for that thought is, what happens when all the world becomes in-tune with our Eternal leader enough to be trusted with His work?  Super awesome things happen, that's what.  When humanity (God's children) increase in maturity and knowledge to the point where all of us act, of our own accord, in the way God (our Father) would have us act, we will have built Zion. 

And, as my leadership role is in the building up of the Church, getting us all to Zion is among my primary objectives.  With this in mind, I think it's important for leaders to have a strong, divine-centered foundation.  After all, as leaders, we teach and train our followers to think and act as we would so we must first think and act as He would.  And once we are built on the rock of our Redeemer, we cannot fall. (Helaman 5:12)  When we are securely anchored in Christ, then we can reach out to others, those who follow our example, and meet them wherever they are on the path.  If they need directing, we lovingly direct them as Christ would.  When they have enough grounding and maturity to be coached, we coach them.  As the approach the point where they can mostly make wise choices, we counsel and strengthen them in their choices.  And when they are capable enough to choose well on their own, we support and sustain them because effectively, we have taught and led them as far as we needed to and now they join us as leaders to nurture others.

So in my role, as I continue to make sure I'm on the rock, I need to meet people where they are.  Some of our girls need our coaching and direction because they aren't seeing (and feeling) the big picture yet.  These are the girls who need extra-attention; for them, our leadership style needs to be more involved.  Knowing how to reach each heart is something we have to do by prayer and revelation because it's going to be different for each one.  On the other hand, a lot of our girls are steadfast and immovable, always taking care of their sisters and consistently attending church.  These are the girls we rely on as a presidency.  These are the girls we know we could ask to do anything for their sisters and they would.  These are the girls who don't need much from us except continued love and support.  They're already doing what we're here to help them do.  (Let me offer a huge cyber shout-out of thanks to all our girls like that.  Thank you! We love you!)

Quote of the week:  "Leadership is about what you do and what you leave behind." -David A. Bednar
(My thought/reason for this quote: when we lead well, we leave behind other well-equipped leaders to take the reigns when we move on.)

Why Trumps What

I decided to get ahead of the game this week and use my brilliant time management skills from last week.  Our presenter this week, "didn't say anything substantial" for the majority of the lecture.  (I'm not going to reveal who that quote is from...)  Amidst his long-winded train of not much, he said a few things that good leaders should remember. 

The core of leadership is character and the crust is skill/confidence.  A strong core with a strong crust = a solid, capable, inspirational, safely followable leader.  Strong core + weak crust = a kind person without the confidence to be a great leader. Weak core + strong crust = awful person with enough charisma and suavity to do serious damage.  Weak core + weak crust = a pathetic person who isn't really a threat. (We didn't actually talk about that last one, that's just what I'm guessing it would be.)

After the speaker finished, one of our teachers, Tommy Montoya, presented to us the RACE model of strategic planning:

R = research
A = action plan
C = carry it out
E = evaluate

We further discussed it on our lab yesterday and put it into application with a hypothetical situation.  Something Tommy said helped me realize the importance of being methodical in decision-making and planning.  If we make the right decision for the wrong reason or any reason that we can't back up with substantial logic, then it's almost as though we made the wrong decision. 

Last week the campus devotional was about motive and I've been thinking about it ever since.  Brother Osguthorpe posed to us these questions: What if everything we did, we did out of love?  What if everything we said was motivated by love?  He told us that in end why we do what we do may very well matter more than what we do. 

So to apply this to my leadership role... I need to keep the focus where it should be and make decisions for the right reasons and do everything I do out of love.  The focus isn't on getting the numbers.  Sure, 100% visiting teaching and attendance looks wonderful, but why?  Because it means that everyone is being taken care of.  =)  In our ward, our RS adviser is really good about keeping everything focused on the individual.  She told us that the numbers and the reports don't really matter.  We still do them because we are "a record keeping people" and we keep ourselves organized like that.  Also because we aren't perfect and we would forget who needs our help if we don't keep track. 

Earlier this week the presidency (minus me) met with the visiting teaching supervisors to talk about how the system works and to encourage them.  The decision to have an additional meeting was not an arbitrary choice—we don't just up and decide to have a meeting for kicks.  The problem was a breakdown in communication between the girls, supervisors, and the presidency.  So we met to clarify who needed what information when.  Research = problem identification. Action plan = decide, with careful reasoning, on the best way to solve the problem.  Carry it out = self-explanatory.  Evaluate = well, did it work? Do we see an absence of problem?  I think we did it. 

Strategic planning sounds all professional and intimidating, but really, it fits seamlessly into our regular lives and we do it all the time without consciously acknowledging it.  I think that as long as we take time and really think about why we're doing what we're doing, we won't get too far off track or make stupid, arbitrary decisions.

Quote of the week: 
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.  -Roy Disney

The Two Gifts of Life

"Life gives you two gifts: time and agency. The way you use your time reflects your agency." 

That's how our presenter began the lecture on Monday.  The topic, certainly one every college student needs to be reminded of now and again, was time management.  I saw a little blurb on Facebook once that said the following: "1. Good grades. 2. Social life. 3. Adequate Sleep.  Welcome to college, pick two."  It's kind of true, unless we find the optimal balance. 

My favorite idea from this week is something our lovely TA said in the lab, "It's not about managing your time; it's about managing yourself."  I really like thinking of it that way.  Time is this huge cosmic deal and I really have no business trying to master it.  But myself, I can usually handle.

We also talked about priorities and goals and not doing anything that doesn't help us toward our goals.  For an activity this week we all filled out time sheets of everything we did in 15-minute intervals for 48 hours.  In the lab on Wednesday, we went through everything we had done and marked if it was in line with our goals in life.  I can find a way to relate everything I do back to my life goals.  It's nice because I usually don't feel like I'm wasting time, but it's hard to prioritize because everything I do is important to me.

Another idea that resonated with me was the concept of urgent vs. important.  We talked about the zones of tasks, things that are urgent but not important, important but not urgent, urgent and important, and neither urgent nor important.  In my own life, I often let things get urgent and then have to make snap judgment calls on how important they are.  (i.e. do I skip class to finish an assignment that's due today or do I go to class and let the assignment go?)  The ideal zone for getting things done is when they are important, but not yet urgent.  Like that physics paper that's due in two weeks.  (Not like the music civilization paper that's due on Monday.)  This is something I need to work on, for sure. 

Now, applying to my leadership role.  Let me first explain the big rocks analogy to any who may be unfamiliar with it: in planning your time, if you put your first, most important things (big rocks) first, next things next (smaller rocks), then all the little things (sand and water) will fill in the cracks—but if you put trifle things (sand and water) first you won't have room for the important things (big rocks).  The Church, and therefore my calling in it, are some of my big rocks.  For my whole life, my family has always put church first and it's amazing that we always have time to get done what we need to.  Continuing that habit has blessed my life in college.  "...seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)  It's true. When I put things in the right order, I end up having time for all the things I need.  When I put the Lord and His work first in my life, He blesses my efforts in everything else I do so that I can do everything else.  "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it." (Mark 8:35) It's one of those beautiful Christian paradoxes. 

I think the most important concept in managing ourselves to use our time wisely, is defining what's important and putting that first in all we do.  How we spend our time defines us so we ought to spend it doing something worthwhile. 

Quote of the day:
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” -Henry Van Dyke

Love vs. Fear: The essence of public speaking.

Public speaking.  As one who often prefers to be behind the scenes of leadership, I don't feel like I have much to say about it.  But something the presenter said really hit home with me: truly care about your audience.

She went on to apply caring about your audience to different situations.  Someone in the professional world who truly cares about their audience will be perfectly honest with them and not try to con them into a less-than-ideal business move.  Managers who truly care about their employees will speak to them with respect and do what's in their best interest.  Teachers who truly care about their students will speak to them in a way that helps them learn.

It's a simple thing, but really caring about your audience is a big deal.  In my current leadership role, I don't have to do much public speaking.  But when I do, it's easy to care about the audience when you think of them as your family.  At church everyone is my family, so speaking in church is the perfect venue to practice and get good at public speaking.

Public speaking is a major fear for people.  Love conquers fear.  Loving your audience is the perfect solution to being afraid of public speaking.

Just because I felt like I wasn't giving you enough, I googled "fear vs. love quotes" and found this cool article.  Here's part of it:

There are really only two emotions in the Physical Universe - those being LOVE and FEAR. All other emotions are just variations on these two primary states of emotion. LOVE is the emotion associated with a 'knowing' that everything in the Universe is an expression of a singularity (i.e. God) and is therefore interconnected, whereas FEAR is the emotion underlying the perception (i.e. illusion) of being separate from God. The following article compares these two states of consciousness.

LOVE is an expression of the Oneness that underlies all reality associated with a deep felt knowing that everything is an expression of Source and that nothing (no-thing) can exist outside Source. By contrast, FEAR is rooted in the illusory perception of separation that pervades the Physical Universe.

LOVE expresses itself as an urge towards unity, whereas FEAR is a result of the perception of dis-unity that is part and parcel to God's game of separation that defines the Physical Universe. (i.e. The 'them' versus 'me' syndrome associated with the isolation currently experienced by most humans)

-Alex Paterson

I think the fear of public speaking results from this "them versus me" syndrome.  When we allow love to conquer this warped perception and view ourselves on the same team as everyone we're talking to, then the fear dissipates.  The end.

Teamwork =)

This week we focused on TEAMWORK and how together we can do more than we can alone, and how we need certain elements to create a functional team.  I absolutely LOVE the concept of synergy.  I love it so much I'm copying the definition right here and now: synergy is the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.  When we work together optimally as a team, the outcome and each member's personal growth is much greater than it would have been had we all worked it out on our own.


Immediately relevant personal example—this past weekend my friends and I set up camp in front of the apartment complex we want to live in next year.  (Right upfront let me spoil the end and tell you that freak yes we got an apartment there after camping for 3 nights.)  It was a pretty serious undertaking.  We had 13 girls on board with the plan and everyone's strengths played into making it a success.  We had our organizational guru set up a schedule and keep track of everyone's progress with getting paperwork ready; we had our hardcore tent sleepers hold the fort through the snow; we had our cheerleaders who didn't want to sleep in the cold bring hot cocoa to the tent-dwellers.  We all chipped in what we could and got the job done better and had waaaaay more fun than we would have had each of tried to do it alone.  There's no way I would have even tried to do that alone.

Every group that works together is a team.  Group interaction and teamwork are at the core of being human and therefore incredibly important.  Applying teamwork to my leadership role is the easiest application yet—the RS presidency is, quite simply, a team within a larger team.  Our objective is to reach all our girls and help them feel our Savior's love and draw closer to Him.  Our means are each other; we need each member of the team to pull together and be willing to give their all if we really want to build Zion.  In my mind, the very definition of Zion is something closely akin to "ultra awesome, highly functional, completely invested and self-sacrificial team."  Who wouldn't want to be on that team?  Joining a team is, in a way, giving up custody of yourself and trusting other people to look out for you while you promise to look out for them.  It's a win-win.  

The RS presidency is a team within the larger Relief Society team.  Our job is to help direct and organize and see that everyone is looked after.  And when our little team of 3-4 (I'm still not sure if I really count as part of the "presidency" specifically, but for the sake of this application, let's say I am.) does what we do, then we enable the rest of the team to step in and take care of each other.  Within the presidency we each have different personalities and different strengths.  We have different ways of reaching out to people and sharing the Savior's love with our girls.  The Lord needs all of our different angles combined to reach all His precious daughters.  Maybe my way of reaching out doesn't really jive with some of the girls, but they will respond really well to Natalie, Karee, or SaraH.  (Yup, the H is capitalized on purpose. It's how she writes it.)  And maybe, just one of us isn't enough to convince some of our girls how treasured they are.  We need the synergistic "full-court press" so to speak to help them feel that they are valued and needed.  Individual efforts are nice and necessary, but not enough.  The Lord Himself endorses teamwork when He gives the law of witnesses in D&C 6:28, " in the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established."  Teams of witnesses are mandatory for moving the Lord's work forward.  Everything we do in the Church is done in teams.  I would venture to say that everything truly meaningful we do in life we do on a team.  Even and especially when the team consists of just you and the Lord.  That's the most important team to be on.

We NEED each other.  We really can't do it alone.  Like, we really can't.  I've tried; it doesn't work.

I've learned in a very poignant way since coming out here to college and living "on my own" that we all seriously need each other.  I put "on my own" in quotes because people say that, but it's not really true.   We aren't living with our families anymore, but I've never been left entirely on my own.  I have incredible friends on my team who take care of me just like my family would if they were here.  Life is a team effort.  In my psychology class senior year we talked about individualist and collectivist societies.  If it isn't super obvious, I'm a hardcore collectivist.  I think the Church is a big part of my thinking there.  And my family.  It doesn't matter how high you can get on your own because it won't be worth being all the way up there if you're up there alone.

 Our presenter on Monday talked about the 0-100 principle of relationships.  The relationship always needs to add up to 100.  Sometimes it's 50-50, sometimes it's 90-10.  It was a nice analogy, I suppose, and I can see a lot of good ideas there.  Sometimes we end up on the taking side of the relationship, other times we end up giving more than we get, and hopefully it balances in the end.  But what my dad always told me about making a relationship work, about being a stable asset to a team, was that both or all parties need to bring 100 all the time.  Fifty-fifty won't cut it sometimes because you have to be invested with everything you have to make it work.  That's my rant on extremist collectivism.  I have a serious conviction about that, just fyi.

 Back to my leadership role: I'm part of a team! A team I love, doing the work I thrive on.  I bring certain assets and ideas to the table, my teammates bring others and together, especially with the Lord's aid, we have a synergistic outcome.  My goal is to bring 100 all the time because that's what it takes.  I'll do my part of the work to the best of my ability to enable the rest of the team to do their thing.  And together, we accomplish what we could not have done alone.


And the quote of the day is actually more than a quote:

No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. 

John Donne

I thought it rather apt.  =)  Go, team, GO! 

Re-Solving

Conflict resolution: not easy or fun, but one of those essential life skills we all wish we were just born with.  This week we focused on causes of and solutions for conflict.  I learned a lot.  The speaker on Monday said that "personality conflict" wasn't a real thing.  My gut reaction was, "Um, you're crazy, heck yes it is."  But then he explained it and I began to see his point.  He outlined 5 types of conflict:

-Process: people raised doing the same things different ways, both thinking the other is crazy and doing it wrong.  It's not personal, it's just a process.  Definitely something to keep in mind.

-Role: I can't explain this one as well, but I think it has to with when people either fulfill or don't fulfill the roles the have.  Example: if one of my friends starting acting more like my mom than my friend, that could create some conflict.

-Interpersonal: self-explanatory (or too complicated to summarize...)

-Directional:  "Well, I think we should go that way."  "Nope, you're wrong, there's nothing worth seeing that way. Let's go this way." "Grrrr." etc.

-External: weather, traffic, sickness, etc.

I also learned that I'm quite reluctant to admit when conflict is external because I like to be in control of my situation.  I realize that sometimes it is just out of my hands, but I like to believe that if I prepare enough, I can be ready to avert any disaster.


A few of things the presenter said didn't sit well with me though:

"If two people are complete agreement, then only one of them is thinking."  False.  Moses 7:18  When we draw closer to the Lord and see it the way He does, we naturally come into harmony with each other.  Agreement isn't a softy, passive, wishy-washy cop out.  Harmony is beautiful.

"If you enter any conversation with the idea that you're right, then you have already started wrong." I don't know that that's always true.  Then all our missionaries are starting on the wrong foot fairly consistently.  ; ) It's not a crime to acknowledge that sometimes you are just plain right.  There's never a good reason to be a snob about it, but if you know you're right, I don't see a good reason to back down. I'd reword that sentence a bit, "If you enter any conversation with a presumptuous attitude about needing to be right, then you should stop talking and go chill."

Okay, I'm done being a critic.  Now I'll be a student again.

The speaker used a great metaphor about using our emotions effectively.  "Emotions are like water—highly useful when channeled positively, but incredibly destructive if left to run their course unchecked."  I hadn't honestly given much thought to questioning the validity of my emotions before.  I just feel what I please.  I don't always act on my feelings, but I let them be.  Taking a step back and objectively looking at the situation to decide if I even have a right or reason to feel the way I do could help me get unnecessary emotions off my chest.  That sounds so overly analytical and not poetic in the least, but it makes sense.

 In addition to learning from our speaker, we analyzed our personal approaches to solving conflict via a personality/conflict approach test.  There were 5 ways of approaching conflict as outlined by this test.  My results were: accommodating (10), competing (6), collaborating (5), avoiding (5), and compromising (4).  I wasn't surprised.  I guess a lot of people who know me might be taken aback by the competition aspect, but my dad reminded me yesterday that I'm the second most competitive person he knows.  Second only to my mom. ; )  I can readily see my accommodating side.  I'm pretty good at rolling with it and not letting whatever it is bother me too much.  And when things cross the line, I usually don't have a problem saying so—in a nice way, usually.

Finally, I know—sorry about the novel!—but the point that I liked best of this whole topic is the idea of re-solving.  For a perfectionist like me, having things get constantly undone and need re-doing gets a little frustrating.  It's really good and refreshing for me to remember that life and everything in it is a process, not a checklist.  The work is never done.  The problems constantly need re-solving.  That doesn't mean we failed at solving it the first time.  Needing to wash our clothes every week doesn't mean we did a sloppy wash job last week, it simply needs doing again.  Conflicts need consistent, if not constant, maintenance and monitoring.

The primary conflict in my leadership role is getting people to actually report their visiting teaching to their supervisors on time.  It hasn't happened yet.  But, I need to keep the perspective that it's an issue that needs constant, patient attention.  And it's certainly not a personality conflict—I am not in the least bit upset with any of our girls—I love them to pieces!  It's just a process thing that isn't quite ironed out.  We'll get there. My goal is to have things running smoothly before I turn that report over to the assistant secretary.  It would be nice to take care of it first so we don't dump an open can of worms on this poor girl's lap...

As always, thanks for hanging in there!  Maybe someday I'll learn to economize language, but not today! 

Lead Strong

Monday's lecture was all about strengths-based leadership.  This is the first new concept that this class has brought to my life and I'm intrigued.  The premise is that to lead to the best of our abilities, we must focus on our best abilities and mostly ignore our weaknesses.  At first I thought that sounded ridiculous.  My weaknesses aren't going to just go away if I ignore them.  But the more we talked about it, the more it made sense.  I will work better when I'm thinking along the lines of "I rock at this so watch me be awesome" than when I'm thinking "Wow, I'm terrible.  Why am I even trying?" Focusing on the positive aspects of my character gives me a confidence boost.  Acting with confidence helps overcome weakness and inhibition.


And really, we aren't ignoring our weaknesses; we're recognizing that as we improve our strengths we bring everything else to a higher level as well.  If all the attributes that comprise who we are make up a metaphorical web, then each point or attribute helps determine which plane our web is in.  If we raise all the high points even higher, the rest of the points have to follow suit and thus our entire self is elevated to a new plane of being.  I like that.  And I can do that.

As part of our homework for Wednesday's lab we had to complete a personality test.  I forget the name of the test (Meyers Briggs, maybe?) but mine was fairly accurate.  My personality profile is that of an idealist and a teacher.  Perfect for what I'm going to be when I grow up. =)  I'm good at connecting with people and making them feel comfortable.  More often than not, it's easy for me to see the best in people.  I'm inclined to build people up and help them realize their potential. I have a knack for  linguistic expression.  I'm adept at making decisions.  I draw energy from interacting with people, the more the better. So I rock at some things.  And others not so much.  I try to do more than I can and give more than I have and that results in my feeling like a martyr when it doesn't have to be that way.  I sometimes take things too personally and I care more about what other people think than I should.  There, I acknowledged the weaknesses and now I'm going to focus on the strengths.  I already feel better.

It sounds cliche, but I really am a people person.  I think one of the most significant of my God-given strengths is being able to connect with people.  And my leadership role requires that I help look after and connect with the one.  I know most of the girls in my RS and I'd recognize all of them by now, but I don't have a connection with all of them yet.  My goal for this week is to make time to talk with at least 4 of my girls who I don't know well yet and start a friendship with each of them. 

Matthew 20:27

The lecture on Monday focused on servant leadership.  Honestly, I don't think I'd ever considered that there were other approaches to leadership besides serving those you lead.  Maybe I had, but the whole servant leadership concept is so soundly right that I've since forgotten all other less adequate methods of leading.  And I recognize that there are plenty of examples of leaders who led selfishly without regard for their people, but I tend to discredit those because I'd like to think I wouldn't have followed them.  In my book, servant leadership is the only authentic leadership there is.

Leadership is about influencing those around you in the direction of a common vision.  Serving and loving others and "getting on their good side" seems like the best, most practical, effective, and engaging way to influence them.  I think about the people for whom I would do anything and realize that I would do anything for them because I know they would do anything for me.  Service is love in action.  It's proof that you'll be there when they need you and it's a major building block of trust.  If you want people to follow you, then you have to prove yourself worthy of following.

King Benjamin comes readily to mind when we talk about servant leaders.  He worked for his own support and led his people by loving example.  Everything he did was in their best interest so they trusted him.  When the people have confidence in their leaders, tranquility abounds because the people feel safe and secure.  When the people trust their leader and their leader is worthy of that trust, then peace reigns because the people feel safe and their leader will lead them right.  The peace and happiness that those people enjoyed would not have been possible under a corrupt, selfish leader.  I'm not even sure that I can explain that because it's so intuitively clear.  "With great power comes great responsibility." I've always heard that quote attributed to Spiderman's uncle, but the concept is as old as reason.  One who has power cannot be self-absorbed and irresponsible and non-responsive to the needs of others and still expect to be lastingly effective.

So how will I apply servant leadership to my leadership role?  I couldn't fail to apply it since service and leadership are essentially interchangeable, especially in the church.  Everything we do in positions of church leadership is focused on serving and lifting and guiding our brothers and sisters.  Everything I do as part of my calling is to help identify the needs of my sisters and to take care of them.  From the very name of our organization (the Relief Society) it's clear that we exist to serve each other, to relieve burdens.  As the secretary, I help the presidency keep track of who needs relief, who need serving, and who needs to serve.  Service is a double-sided blessing; giving it is as relieving as receiving it.

Quote of the week, and perhaps of my life: "What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?" -George Eliot

Lost Sheep

For the past few weeks (during which my blogging has been iffy and sporadic, I apologize) we have been discussing a concept called divine-centered leadership.  As indicated by the name, this is a style of leadership that strives to emulate Christ's method of leading and influencing others.  There is a list of several criteria that pertain to leading as Christ would have us lead. 

One in particular off that list caught my attention as being especially pertinent to my leadership role: knowing each heart.  Christ knew the hearts of all the people He loved and served and led; He knew how to best love and serve and lead then because He didn't just know them, He knew their hearts.  Knowing someone's heart is deeper than just knowing someone.  When you know their heart, you know what makes them tick and how to motivate them and what obstacles they are facing and how you can help them overcome those challenges.  Knowing each heart also calls attention to the individuality of the work of leadership, especially in the church.  Some of my training materials for my calling as the secretary said that while we count numbers to have records of attendance and visits, we also count names.  It shouldn't just be, "We had 7 sisters missing from Relief Society today."  But we should also talk about specifically who we missed that day and how we are going to reach out to each of them individually. 

As the secretary, it's my job to keep track of everyone--who comes to church, who is getting visited and taken care of, and who might need some extra love and support.  When I do my job right and try to know each heart, to discover the motivations and fears of the girls I serve, then I can be a more divine-centered leader and also allow the Relief Society presidency to be more divine-centered leaders.  (Random shout out: our RS presidency is wonderful.  All three of those girls really do love and look out for all our girls and I'm thrilled to get to work with and learn from all of them.) 

The object of divine-centered leadership is to lead as Christ would have us lead.  We can't lead exactly how Christ Himself would lead because we aren't Christ.  But we can lead in the way He would have us lead and I think the core of leading as He would is loving others and trying to know them and see them as He does.  In my leadership role I have the opportunity and responsibility to keep tabs on everyone and see how their doing.  It's a very individualized process.  What we do to serve one of our girls will be completely different from what we do to help another, depending on each girl's unique interests and set of challenges.  The commonality in everything we do to reach out to our girls and help them is that we try to do it in the way Christ would, lovingly and patiently motivating them to overcome their challenges.

Quote of the day:  This is from Jerry Jaccard, one of the elementary music ed faculty members, and hopefully one of my future teachers!  "Reaching the individual and the group at the same time is the art of teaching."

Thanks for reading as always and I hope you have a happy happy day today. =)

Leaders in History

On Wednesday we talked about examples of leaders throughout history ranging from President Hinckley to Adolf Hitler.  (Yes, putting those two in the same sentence makes me squirm just a little.)  We discussed why these leaders were so effective and why we still remember their legacies.  The commonality that struck me was this: all of them proposed something new and radical.  Leaders don't make history's headlines by observing the status quo. 

Of all the leaders we discussed, President Hinckley is the nearest to my heart since he was the prophet for most of my life.  When I think about the prophets of the Church, "radical" is not the first word that enters my mind.  But when I step back and try to look at the Church from the perspective of one who hasn't grown up in it, some of the things we believe seem quite radical indeed.  A 14-year-old boy seeing God and Christ in a grove of trees, angels helping push handcarts across the plains, 19 to 21-year-old kids being sent all over the world to tell the story--it's definitely radical.

So to add to our assertion that a leader is one who proposes radical, new ideas I would say that an effective leader is one who makes the radical and impossible seem indubitable and achievable.  President Hinckley's vision of building temples all over the world may have seemed ambitious and not realistic when it was proposed, but now all those temples stand as a legacy of achieving the improbable.  Great leaders make achieving the impossible seem like second nature.

So, what radical proposal am I, as the secretary in the Relief Society, going to make not only  a possibility, but a given? 

100% Visiting Teaching every month and 90% attendance every week.

Obviously, a lot of this lies outside my realm of choice and accountability.  But, if the record I keep is accurate and detailed then the presidency will always have a very clear idea of which girls in our Relief Society need extra encouragement and motivation to come to RS or visit their sisters. 

Lessons learned, lessons to learn

Assignment #2: Recap what we talked about in our lecture last Monday and apply it to our leadership roles.

For part of the class we watched clips from various movies and talked about the different leadership qualities we identified in each of the characters.  We came up with a sizable list of admirable qualities, all of which are important to the successful leader, but what I'm taking away from that lecture is that there is something to learn from everyone.  From Lord of the Rings to Evan Almighty to A Bug's Life, there are qualities in all kinds of different people and characters that I can and ought to learn from.  My parents, my friends, my professors, and everyone I know has something I can learn from.  There are seemingly limitless definitions of leadership and innumerable qualities associated with it so it's a good thing we are all surrounded by others who can help us learn.  As someone new to the RS presidency, I have oodles to learn.  As a college kid, there are mountains upon mountains of things I don't know yet.  Just as a person, there are soooooo many lessons I've yet to learn.  It can be overwhelming.  But then I think of all the people I know and all the good qualities they have and I suddenly feel lucky and relieved.  I'm surrounded by excellent people who have wonderful qualities of service and leadership.  If I keep my mind and heart open, then theoretically, there's no limit to what I can learn from them.

Quote of the day: (yes, I'm stealing Nat's quote of the day idea, wait, let me rephrase that.  I'm watching her success and learning from it. ; ) Plus, I have a great one today that fits really well with my topic.)   "Whoever told you that experience is the best teacher was wrong.  Somebody else's experience is the best teacher." -Adam Davis

my leadership role...

Welcome to my leadership blog! =)  Our first assignment is to define our leadership role and I'm already at a loss.  The syllabus defines a leadership role as "any role where you are in a position of influence over others."  We talked about 360 degree leadership and how we influence EVERYONE with whom we come in contact.  So my leadership role could be ANYTHING.  What to choose?  Maybe this sounds like a cop out answer, but in all honesty, my strengths as a person and therefore as a leader lie in the quiet, behind the scenes type of work.  I'm not shy, I just work better when people aren't watching me.  I love watching other people shine on center stage and knowing that I helped them get there.  That said, my leadership roles might be subtle.

My most significant leadership role is in my family--I'm the oldest of eight kids.  And yes, I've grown up under the friendly threat of "do anything wrong and you'll lead all your little siblings astray."  I guess you'd have to ask my siblings about my leadership style there.  I don't think I was too bossy, most of the time.  But working at that leadership role in a long distance sort of way isn't what I want to focus on for this class.  If I haven't made my mark on those little cuties by now, whoops!

Ruling out the familial leadership role for distance purposes, I have chosen to focus on my church calling--Relief Society secretary.  We had a training meeting on Sunday where our adviser said that while the secretary works behind the scenes, the work she does if done well enables the entire organization to work at a happier level.  It plays right to my strengths, though I have every assurance that I will learn things I never expected.

Here goes!

the beginning =)

And so the blogging adventure begins--thanks to my lovely leadership class--wooohoooo!